This week has been one of the most difficult weeks in my life. I have lost one of the dearest friends in my life. She was someone I loved, respected, and admired. She wasn’t perfect, (none of us are) but she was one of the most loving, and giving people, I have ever known. She taught me to always tell the people around me, ” I love you”. She was a person of action, when she learned of a need someone had. She was a giver, even at the expense of herself. She always put others first. These qualities that we admired and loved about her also took a toll on her. She finally gave out. She reached the end of her ability to give. I wish like so many that she would have let us that loved her, give back to her, and help shoulder her load for a change. I wish she had reached out to us, but that was never in her nature. She was great at giving, great at meeting someones need, but not at asking or receiving for herself. This is something I understand. I am guilty of this flaw myself, of trying to be strong and handle life on my own. This is a lesson that I am tying to apply. This week, I have been reaching out and letting others help me as I also try to help and support them.
Her loss is tragic, however there is one thing I know. God met her at the point of her pain. I know in her last moments, she met a mercy, a Grace and a strength that she now rests in. In this life, she tried to shoulder her load on her own. A burden that ended her life here on this earth, but I know that in God she has now found that rest she could not find here.
There is a lesson here. We all reach the end of ourselves. The end of our strength, of our understanding, the end of our ability. That is where God’s Grace and mercy will meet us. God has proved this to me over and over in life and this past week, has not been a exception. God will use people, God will use a song, God will sometimes just surround us with His tangible presence and embrace. God knows what we need. God is greater than our pain, our weakness, our doubts and fears. Greater than our mistakes, our sins. Nothing we face or will ever face, can we not find the strength and grace to go through, with God’s help. God meets us where we are at. We do not have to be at the mercy of this life, because we have the mercy of God.
Many people have opinions and judgments about the journey of others. They feel qualified to judge the lives and actions of others. But, I have found that many of these people, worship and serve a small god. A god that fits neatly into a small box and enables them to judge and feel like they understand everything. I am thankful, that God has revealed Himself to me as much greater, than my understanding, greater than my religion, greater than my flaws, weaknesses, sins or fears, Greater than my doubts. I can question God, get angry with God and even not understand God, and it does not shake him. He loves me, comforts me and understands me better than I understand myself. He patiently loves me through it all and takes me through it all.
My friend took an action that I don’t understand, but I know God understood her. She didn’t reach out to me, but I know she did to God. Her life ended in a way, I would not have chose for her, but I know, that God took her into His arms and made it all better. He had a better plan for her, but who am I to judge, We can all reach the end of ourselves. We all can find ourselves in a dark place that we can’t see out of. But that is when we must realize we need help. We aren’t meant to journey on our own. The fact is we are never alone. It is when we feel alone, or believe we are alone that we are the most vulnerable. This illusion of being alone is the worst illusion we could face in life. Because it can cause us to be and do desperate things. We shouldn’t judge others who find themselves there, because we all have been at some time or another.
What is important, is when we find ourselves in that dark place that we reach out to God and others. That we ask for help. That we remember the most powerful truth, We are not Alone, and God is greater than where we find ourselves. There is a way, even when we can’t see it. Sometimes we run out of strength, faith, understanding, and ability to cope, but that is when we can borrow from each other and God. Thats when we need to reach out and receive. We must learn to receive and not to simple give out. Life is give and receive, Support and be supported, Love and be loved. Life must be balanced! We need both!
This week is not over, and the next days will still be hard, but I am leaning on God and friends and I am also reaching out to support those around me. I know that God is greater than any challenge we will face and will walk with us through them all!